Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
