i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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