i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
