her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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