she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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