I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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