my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
