So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
