no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
