chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
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