Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
