I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
