yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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