Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize