how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
