you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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