I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
