I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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