Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
