I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize