I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
