if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
