how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize