this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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