Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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