Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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