i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize