It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
