So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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