I puked a lego.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We had to coat check the pizza.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
