what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
