Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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