So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
