i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
