I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize