There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
