The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
