you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
