Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
