Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
her facebook's as public as her vagina
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
