so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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