Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Someone came in the potted fern
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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