this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
