You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
