Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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