the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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