ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
