'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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