my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
