That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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