I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
