I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
