trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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