I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
