i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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