I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize