mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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