just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
