That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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