I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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