After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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