just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
