i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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