Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize