oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
