I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
