woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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