I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize