I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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