dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
