He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Dick very happy bro
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
