was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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