I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize