Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Drake has all the answers
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
