just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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