i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
