Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
