There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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