You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
