I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
