I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
