hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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