eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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