at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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