Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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