shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize