Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
