And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
