a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
