I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
