Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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