Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My ass is underappreciated
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
