I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
