just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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