take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize