I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
