she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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