Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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