I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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