I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Sext me about skeletons
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
