i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
