Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
