Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
jump out the window naked night went bad
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