Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize