this beer tastes like vomit already
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
