I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
