dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
