If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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