If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
