In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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